The Refugee's Existence
Part 2

Going Out Into The World

Thanks to the events of Black April 1975, the Vietnamese ventured into the outside world after thousands of year behind the bamboo groves. But instead of integrating into new lands of freedom and opportunities, our generation was still obsessed by the wounds of Vietnam. So, instead of singing about America, about the world we lived in, the people we met, I wrote a song called HÁT TRÊN ÐƯỜNG TẠM DUNG (Singing In A Temporary Refuge), filled with political feelings.
HÁT TRÊN ÐƯỜNG TẠM DUNG
SINGING IN A TEMPORARY REFUGE
English verses by Mary Nguyen
(Fort Walton Beach, Florida -1978)
As I go along through California's sunshine gold,
My refugee heart is sad and cold.
The misty rains fall in Seattle
So all the flowers bloom,
But my soul still has a bleeding wound.
O Minnesota ! Cold ice and snow.
To you I came,
But my eyes, a burning flame !
O Mississippi ! You know your roots
Long River flow
To find my own, I still must go !
I go along my way, Texas grand, O Texas grand !
Derricks pumping oil from her hot sand,
Like ostriches who refuse
To see, to hear, of life
Of those whose way is filled with strife
Like cotton clouds through Georgia bright,
Orange perfume on a Florida night,
And the wind blows over the Great Lakes so cold,
But I'm still on my lonely road !
Through Virginia, through history
Two hundred years of liberty !
On to New York where I must meet
A great Lady
Who stands there strangers to greet !
O Lady Liberty !
May I ask you if your stone eyes
Still see the whole world clearly ?
Your granite ears hear the cries
Of all who yearn to be free ?
Russians in jail, Jews in distress
And others still are oppressed !
O Lady Liberty !
Do you see just half a world ?
Can't you turn around to see
People who in pain are curled,
Needing words to make all free ?
Please raise your voice for Freedom now !
Let's join your world.
To you we'll bow !
Then through California's golden sun I'll go along
And feel the warmth of old Saigon
Then the Seattle rain will refresh
My eyes, my soul and heart,
Like spring showers in lovely Dalat.
O Minnesota ! Your snows will be like icy lace
Tinkling as they touch my face.

O Mississipi ! Sainted river long
You'll remind me of my country's own Mekong
O Lady Libery !
Recall now your own great past !
As leader, your have held fast
In defense of human rights,
For black, yellow, red or white,
With you, we'll fight ! With you, we'll stand !
Freedom for all, through every land !
O Lady Liberty !
Raise higher your sacred flame,
And I will love this country
Like my native land, the same !
I'll show what you mean to me
This song, I'll sing.
Someday, I'll bring
A kiss for you, my Liberty !

In the same vein I wrote:
TA LÀ GIÓ MUÔN PHƯƠNG
I'M THE WIND FROM EVERYWHERE
English verses by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
I'm the freezing wind
Through icy trees
Through Canada
The wind of hate
Of refugees.
I'm the burning wind
From fire I came
Through Australia
Stirring within
Our soul the flame
I'm the cool wind
The Autumn breeze
To the Seine
Drifting up
The dead dry leaves.
I'm the Spring wind
Scented with begonia
Through Japan,
Hawaii,
Califonia...
I am all the winds
From everywhere
To Laos, Vietnam,
Indochina
To bring Peace there...

Expressing my feelings towards the United States, I wrote a song to the antiwar heroes of the ''make love not war'' era.
BÂY GIỜ CÁC NGÀI Ở ÐÂU
WHERE ARE YOU NOW, O MAN
English verses by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
Where are you now, o man ?
You who in front did stand
Your voice sang out, for Peace did shout
All heard throughout the land
Where are you now, my friend ?
Who fought and would not bend
Your point you made
You joined the parade
Recall your cry
From up on high :
'' Make Love, Not War ''
For evermore !
So to have Peace
Make friends with enemies
Where are you now, o man ?
Who gave up many lands
You wanted no screams
To disrupt your dreams
Where are you now, o man ?
Look around if you can.
Millions in jail, their lives so frail
Under the new command.
Please awake now, my friend
Love, Peace did not win
Hear people tell
Their life is hell
In this new life
So full of strife
Artists cry,
Many priests die,
Men, young and old
Must do as they're told
Where are you now, o man ?
Where are you now, my friend ?
Are you still alive ?
In hell ? In paradise ?

Flight Over The Sea
In the first years of exile, all artistic activities focussed on the longing for the motherland, which we had little hope of seeing again. Then suddenly, the waves of boat people appeared. Artists flocked to this monumental event. In October 1978, as I wrote HÁT TRÊN ÐƯỜNG VƯỢT BIỂN (Singing As We Cross The Sea), my children were floating on the Eastern Sea!
HÁT TRÊN ÐƯỜNG VƯỢT BIỂN
(Hát Cho Người Vượt Biển)
SONG FOR BOAT PEOPLE
English verses by Mary Nguyen
(Fort Wakton Beach, FLORIDA - 1978)
O people upon the sea
Wanting only to be free,
Like a tiny grain of sand,
In the deserts of the land
Or a single leaf so small,
In the forests great and tall.
We see you on the great sea
Searching for liberty !
O Jesus, look down at them,
Children in the sea must swim !
O Buddha, look far and wide
An old man, the boat must guide !
God of the sea, great Neptune
Help young couples see the moon !
Ancestors and all mankind,
Please help them, land to find.
Boat people ! We hear you cry !
Jesus sees you ! Buddha sees you !
But they are high in the sky
Only humans live on earth.
And around the worlds wide girth,
People everywhere, I've learned,
Have some cause, they are concerned.
They're concerned for baby seals
Killed for skin and money deals
Concerned for rats killed each day
To help take disease away
Test tube babies draw concern,
Won't they ever, ever learn ?
To know what they ought to be
Concerned about, can't they see ?
The reality...

O people upon the sea
On your attempt to be free,
Danger lurks to strike you down,
You could starve or you could drown.
Wind and sea their pain will give,
Some will perish and some will live,
There's no place of safety now,
We must save you somehow.
O brothers open your eyes !
See and hear the frightened cries,
Of those who need help to live
And when help to them you give
You'll see in a smiling face
All the lives there,of the human race
Christ and Buddha hand in hand
Want freedom for man !
O what joy ! O what joy !
The brotherhood of man.

The Boat People theme was a big inspiration for the overseas Vietnamese musicians and poets. Diệu Văn of Honolulu wrote a poem entitled BIỂN MÁU (Sea Of Blood). I immediately put to music this ferocious poem...
BIỂN MÁU
SEA OF BLOOD
(from a poem by Diệu Văn)
Tonight the sea is tainted with blood
Blood red sky, blood red clouds
The wind howls its hatred
Waves growl in anger, the sand flies
Come and look at the floating corpses
Old people, young children
Floating around, hair sloshing in the waves
Fish playing around black eye sockets...
Come and see people gasping their last breaths
People clinging to each other in hunger
Small boats bobbing on the waves
Aimless in the sormy night.
Blame the madmen full of ideologies,
Confucian, Royalist, Taoist, Buddhist, Christian
All their talk can't fill half a bowl with rice.
Tonight the sea is red with blood
Blood of our sisters and brothers
With the capitalists came bombs and poison
With the communists come the corpses floating on the sea.
Come and see what people did to people
Pushing away sinking boats, robbing, raping
Innocent blood color the dreams
Of people all around the Eastern Sea
Come and cry for your loved ones
And nourish hatred for the beasts,
Inhuman, selfish, heinous beasts...

Women
The boat people phenomenon brought to the world the sight of millions of Vietnamese leaving their country in frail vessels to get away from communism. It also brought to people's attention the cruel fate suffered by these refugees, especially of the raped women. Piracy was a big theme in exile music. I wrote a song about its victims, but avoided opening old wounds and focussed instead on consoling the unlucky victims.
GIẢI THOÁT CHO EM
TO RELIEVE YOUR PAINS
English verses by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1981)
I want to free you, O fish in a pool, bird in a cage,
The Lac Hong bird flying on the sky,
The Tien Rong fish crossing the sea
In this question of death or life
Freeing you from the misery
Lying heavily on your shouder, inside your crying heart.
Relieving you from the atrocities you met on your way to freedom.
I want to relieve you from the pains of your accident
When you faced those animals.
You are a honest woman, bitten by a dog,
Don't be sad.
Relieving you from the fate of Kieu
You life was unlucky but your soul is still very bright.
You are the grass on the mountain
No storm can destroy you
I want to reach other of our pains.
Nobody in this world can understand us more than ourselves
Relieving each other from suffering and bitterness.

The fate of Vietnamese women after April 1975 has already been mentioned under the heading SEPARATION, in songs like Ở BÊN NHÀ EM KHÔNG CÒN ÐỨNG ÐỢI CHỜ ANH (You are no longer waiting for me back home), LẤP BIỂN VÁ TRỜI... (Filling The Sea, Mending The Sky)... I continued to write about it in songs such as the following, about a woman claiming for her husband.
TRẢ LẠI CHỒNG TÔI
I WANT MY HUSBAND
Translation by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1983)
I want my husband, my husband.
I want my dear man.
The long years of war are ended,
Peace is now at hand,
But where is my husband ?
But where is my lovely man ?
A gentle man is my hus band.
Facing a life of malignant fate
A scholar who was forced to wear an uniform,
A sweet man who did not want to be a hero,
Because he still had love for his fellow man.
We are all children of our beloved Viet Nam.
We are brothers
Of two blood-related lands
Why do we still torture each other
For such a long time ?
We are of the same race,
Red blood, yellow skin
How can we still want to kill each other ?
Why create such suffering ?
I want my hus band, my husband !
Our people should have food to eat, clothes to wear,
We want to regain the love of family
We want to regain the sacred love
Of the children of the Fairy and the Dragon

LỜI NGƯỜI THIẾU PHỤ VIỆT NAM (A Vietnamese Woman's Words) was about a woman whose husband had died in a concentration camp, whose parents had died in a ''new economic zone''. With her baby she went to sea, pirates raped her and threw her child into the water. But she would not lose her sanity, she would not kill herself, for she must live to take her revenge, to tell the world about the crimes inflicted on her people and herself. And she must live to thank those who helped the Vietnamese boat people. LỜI NGƯỜI THIẾU PHỤ VIỆT NAM
A VIETNAMESE WOMAN'S VOICE
Translation By Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1979)
Don't question me why I am still alive
Why I still hope, why I still wish.
Don't question me why I lost my husband
Why I lost my child, why I lost my parents.
Don't question me why, with all my pains
Why I am not crazy, why I still want to live
The pirates on the Eastern Sea raped me
Killed my child and threw him into the sea,
From all the people on my boat
I was the only one who survived.
My husband died in a concentration camp
My parents died in a new economic zone,
I had to leave Viet Nam, with my baby
On a boat, in the middle of the night.
Hoping I could find freedom.
But some selfish countries would not welcome
The starving boat people
Then Thai pirates came
I was the only one who survived, to cry out to the world.
I must live to expose this debt of blood.
Indochinese people are suffering
Because of the bargaining between great countries.
I must live to lament the death of my husband,
child and parents, though I am sad, I should be strong,
I must stay alive to express my hatred
Toward the cruel culprits, the selfish people,
But I must also stay alive to be grateful
To those who opened their arms to welcome us victims.
CODA I should stay alive, yes, I should stay alive
To attract the attention of the world.

In the WOMEN theme, I wrote moralistic songs for young Viet women in exile.
NGƯỜI CON GÁI VIỆT RỜI XA TỔ QUỐC
VIETNAMESE GIRLS LEAVING THEIR HOME
Translation by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
O lovely girls leaving your home !
Like tiny boats guided by stars
Or pretty windblown flowers, you roam.
O little girls, you've come so far.
O lovely young girls of Viet Nam !
You all still keep pure hearts your goal.
Dragon and fairy, you have come from
So still, you keep the TrungVuong soul !
Traditions last for thousands of years
Confucianists, you still keep old ways,
Our nation's wars caused you many tears,
But gentle, lovely, you still stay
O young girls of beloved Viet Nam !
Young widows or those never wed
All now have choices and new freedom,
You must stay pure in heart and head.
O young girls in your new station !
You must keep your old ways of life,
Love your parents and love your nation,
Be good mothers and good wives.

Under the MOTHERLAND (or Homeland) heading, in NGUYE^N VE.N HI`NH HA`I (My Intact Body), I compared my body to a map of Vietnam. That was a song about death. Under the WOMEN heading, I also pictured the young Viet woman as a map of Vietnam in XIN EM GiỮ DÙM ANH (Keep For Me). Her eyes are as bright as the fatherland's sunshine, her lips have the fragrance of new rice in the motherland, her arms are like the eastern ocean or the wind in the western forests, her feet cross the Truong Son range, her hair is like the undulating Hau (Mekong) river, as an exile I pray to Her to preserve for me this exquisite virgin's image. It was a song about Life!
XIN EM GiỮ DÙM ANH
KEEP FOR ME
Translation by Mary Nguyen
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1981)
In your eyes I see the sun from afar,
The sunlight on my fatherland, for four thousand years.
The sweet sunlight welcoming me at my birth,
The sunlight following my path of love
Your lips have the good smell of Spring' s roasted rice
These lips are like the sweet milk from Mother.
These lips, sometimes, wet with tears
So I can kiss and laugh or cry
O your arms, like the East Sea's drunken waves
Or like the West Mountains' forest wind.
The two round arms, if you embrace me with them,
I will bury all my afflictions
O your legs ! Crossing many roads,
Many miles on the Mandarin Route
The two rosy legs, with Saigon flavour,
The sad legs when you sail the seas to exile
Swimming on your hair is like in a past's dreams
Golden dreams and torn dreams too
Your verdant hair is like running water
Giving me the breath of my country
Please enlighten my sad or joyful future
I still have many hopes, many wishes.
Please keep for me a little part of my country
Reflecting your soul, describing your body
Keep for me the flame of your eyes
To enlighten my sunset boulevard.
Keep for me the lips full of prayer
Lulling me the night of my death,
Like the snow covering my grave
Keep for me your hand of five thin fingers,
In my thousand years of sleeping,
I still sense the aroma of Mother Viet Nam.
You walk to all our tomorrows,
Your long legs will cross all the roads of life
Even when I am in the world of death,
Through you I will continue my voyage
Please keep all this for me,
O my virgin Vietnamese girl !

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