Part 1
Songs Of Declaration
It was only until 1977 that I achieved a certain degree of emotional
balance, and started to face my conscience with the question: Is there any
meaning to this forsaking of my homeland? I answered with my first song as an
exile:
DID WE FIGHT OR DID WE FLEE ?
English verses by Mary NGUYEN
Did we fight or did we flee ?
To arrive in this country
We must have this question : How
To keep in us a strong heart for now ?
If you live a mouse's life
Drinking, playing, day and night
Spending your time with cards and wine
Dreaming of gold, girls, fair and fine;
If you now live far and wild
No longer like Vietnam's child
Our people dying in vain
Ghost shadows bringing you pain.
Did we fight or did we flee ?
To arrive in this country
We must have this question : How
To keep in us a strong heart for now ?
We escaped and here we've come
Bringing the soul of Vietnam
All's not lost, let's sing and shout :
We'll be back, come back, no doubt.
Let us sing a freedom song
Find the way to right the wrong
We will move mountains and sea
To return to our country.
We will fight, we will not flee
We're true sons of our country
Vietnam! O Motherland
We will return and take our stand.
BLACK APRIL
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
Black April
Remember and weep
Our homeland held in sorrow deep
Black April
Thirty war-torn years
Ended in fear and with pain and tears
Black April
Let us bring to mind
Our brothers and friends left behind
Black April
Our hate deeply burns
Our wish is some day to return.
Vietnamese the world over
Together, we have power.
Shout now : Liberty
Our land must be free
Come join with us
Black April
Rise up, lend a hand
Look forward to our Motherland.
Black April
Children of Viet Nam,
United, we'll fight 'til we win !
WITH DIGNITY THE PEOPLE OF VIETNAM
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
English Verses by Mary Nguyen
With dignity, our mothers walk in exile
Through New York with its winter snow,
Or Paris when chill winds blow,
Always holding heads up high
Though in pain they do not cry. (*)
With dignity, our fathers on hunger strikes
To give people freedom choices !
Listen to their brave voices,
Over thirty years they've tried,
For human right, though many died.
With dignity, our children wave the flag high !
Yellow flag, three stripes blood red,
The blood of thousands dead
Waving proud it seems to cry :
Our brave land must never die.
With dignity, descendants through centuries
Âu Co mother of our proud race
Ðộng Ðình Hồ, the starting place
Traveled through the world's countries
Always fighting to be free.
With dignity, all the people from Viet Nam
Though they're spread throughout the earth,
Love the country of their birth
Someday, hand in hand, they'll come
Back to liberate their Viet Nam.
(*) Literally:
They wait for the chance to see the bandits
And spit in the face of the beasts
The poet Vũ Hoàng Chương wrote some very prophetic verses,
such as the following lines he wrote in the early 1950s:
Forsaken by our nation, despised by our race
. . . . . . . .
HƯƠNG RUỒNG BỎ GIỐNG NÒI KHINH
AM I FORGOTTEN BY MY NATION ?
English Verses by Mary Nguyen
Am I forgotten by my nation ?
By my own people taunted ?
Am I to suffer from damnation ?
By my Vietnam to be haunted ?
Oh, beloved Vietnam place of my birth !
Like sprouting plants, from you I grew.
My roots go deep into your rich earth,
Like a plant of rice or bamboo.
Sweet songs of love and ancient stories
The love for me my parents had.
I'm honored by our land's past glories,
But now the war has made me sad !
Brothers, the same blood runs through our veins.
The same feelings and the same skin.
Vietnam, we'll love through laughter or pain.
Both young and strong or old and thin.
Many things shared over thirty years,
Sharing the smiles or sharing the tears
We are Vietnam, we're all the same.
Am I forgotten by my nation
Am I to suffer from damnation ?
By my Vietnam to be haunted ?
I fled my country like a lost soul,
When Vietnam plunged into despair
The past is dead, future's black as coal.
Happiness vanished into air.
The country I left was rich and proud,
With beautiful women, strong men,
Now blood runs cold and fear cries out loud
When will terror and sorrow end ?
Oh, my Vietnam, my friends left behind
My people, my land, my rivers
I pity all who no peace can find.
No warmth, but only cold shivers
Those who are in camps or those in jails
I wish I could help you to be free. (*)
Now helpless like a boat without sails
Someday, I'll come back 'cross the sea
Someday I will come back to Vietnam.
Someday I'll again see my friends.
Someday I'll come with a new freedom.
Someday there shall be peace for all men.
I shall return !
Beloved Vietnam !
(*) Literally:
I apologize for having abandoned you
I promise to come back and liberate the country...
I often pictured my country as a human body, whose head
was the North, whose heart was the Center and whose stomach was
the South. In NGUYÊN VẸN HÌNH HÀI, I talked about my death
in a strange land and asked to be buried in a snow covered place
so that my body remained intact, like a picture of dear Vietnam.
MY INTACT BODY
(Fort Walton Beach, Florida-1977)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Who will go to see Gia Ðịnh ?
Or down river to Cần Thơ ?
To see coconuts and such things
That in the lush green fields grow.
Who'll walk through stalls in Tân Ðịnh ?
Put tasty fruits in your mouth
I don't wish for many things
Just grains of rice from the South.
Southern land of rice and fish,
There's so much food in every home.
I'm far away, but I wish
To eat foods from South Viet Nam !
Who'll go to Thành Nội, Gia Hội ?
Or to Nghệ Tĩnh so far ?
Let me hear a song of joy,
Standing by the Hương river.
Who'll visit the sea green blue ?
The place where poems are made !
Let me hear the words of Kiều,
More precious to me than jade !
Central land of Poetry !
Laughter, love, the tears I cried.
In exile, my heart's heavy,
A cold stone lies deep inside.
Who'll go to Hà Nội, Nam Ðịnh ?
Or to deep forest places ?
Big mountains and rivers sing
With our ancestor's voices.
Here are our roots, our lifesprings,
Listen to the bronze drum beat !
Through the trees, the echoes ring.
Our traditions must repeat
Northern land of great wisdom
Intelligence the life breath
Slow-witted here I've become
Grant me wisdom before death
Someday buried 'neath the ground
In a place of snow and cold.
If you look I can be found !
My chilled body will be whole.
And if once more you want to see,
To look on me, you're most welcome.
A sleeping form at last free,
Shaped like our beloved Viet Nam
O Viet Nam ! My head's the start,
It is now the North country.
The Central lands are my heart.
South's my stomach finally.
THE EXILES OF A FATHER AND HIS SON
English verses by Mary Nguyen
In 'fifty four, Father you fled
Leaving our village, our ways behind
Without fear, our family you led
To the South, a free life to find.
In 'fifty four you left Sơn Tây
To live in Biên Hòa, you brought your son.
Ancestral roots so far away,
Our country divided by guns.
In 'seventy five, I must flee,
Twice exiled in only twenty years !
You are exiled in our country !
I'm exiled far away with tears !
In 'fifty four, tyranny mapped
Your course South from our North home country
In 'seventy five, I was trapped
Tyrants forced me away by sea
In 'fifty four, Father you went
Leaving ancestors, our land behind
Leaving your home and all it meant
Leaving many friends good and kind.
In 'fifty four the tyrants came
Sent you away from the old city
Hanoi's lost but still has her name
Father ! You went for liberty
In 'seventy five I lost everything
Twenty years of great happiness gone
Now in our land, only sadness sings
With a dead man's name, you're dead Saigon
'Fifty four and 'seventy five
Families, freedom broken for years
Far from you, I'm just half alive
My memories bring painful tears.
CODA :
Father, you and I, two time spurned
Somedy, united we'll return.
SITTING BY THE SEINE, I CRY
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1980)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Sitting on the Seine's riverside, I cry
My sufferings invade the Big City
Like a cold wind, freezing the streets,
Like the snow, covering the graveyard.
Sitting on the Seine's riverside, I remember
The regular sound of the hammock
In the summer, at noon,
The echo of the flute, from a distant dusk,
The children, guardian of the buffalo
Laughing on the dam.
I remember I sat on the Thương's riverside
When I was young
River Thương's is divided into two branches
But I was singing happily,
My song was harmonious.
I remember I sat on the Hương's riverside
When I was in love
I was singing to my lover,
The songs I dedicated to our country.
Now we are far from our rivers,
Like the bird who loses her nest,
The ghost who loses his grave.
We miss those eternal songs.
Now, where can we find the bamboo bridge
Over the river, leading me to my love
Where is the song we sing when we find each other
Sitting on the Seine's riverside, I cry
I know how deep is the pain of a refugee.
The ghost who loses his grave does not find the life,
The bird who loses her nest can not sing all day long.
Sitting on the Seine's riverside, I turn into stone
I sit silently between lovers.
In my solitude, I wait for some good day
My soul is warm, my statue will become human again.
SOUNDS OF THE PAST
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1979)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Do you recall the merchant's cry ?
The scooter's roar as it flies by ?
The sound of temple bells ringing,
The schoolboy's shouts, the birds singing ?
The night sounds of summer humming,
The rain on the tin roofs drumming.
Soft voices of our parents dear,
Young lovers kissing very near.
Now in our land are sounds of tears.
And in this land strange sounds meet my ears.
But my heart still hears,
The sweet voices of
My mother and my love.
I recall neighbors voices gay
On Sunday while the children play,
And soldiers drinking until dawn,
I sigh, I whisper : Oh Viet Nam !
SAIGON IN ME
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1981)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
O Saigon, I miss you,
I miss you like I miss a lover.
I miss every tree, every shadow
Every house, every place.
Every morning, we walk on the cheerful streets
In a joyful crowd
Every afternoon, we go back home
Under the misty rain.
At night, if there is no moonlight
The flares will brighten our soul.
Early the next morning, the birds wake us up.
Time passes so fast, but we have so much souvernirs.
O Saigon, wait for me !
I'll be back to kiss the streets of Saigon
Sharing with you joy and pain.
Though they have changed your name
O Saigon, I'll never forget you.
VIETNAM IS STILL THERE WITH OUR JOY
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1979)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
We did not lose our country
Because our country is still there.
If we have lost our houses
That's because we want to be free.
We hold our country in our heart
We carry our nation in our soul.
We are in exile
But nothing changes
They offer our nation
To the red invaders,
We, Vietnamese, we swear to fight.
We'll fight
For Independence and Freedom,
Viet Nam is there for ever.
Buddhist Mother,
And Mother Maria
Will save us.
As we walk through the dark night
We don't lose our way
We are more than courageous
Because we have Faith.
Though the new rulers are cruel,
They lie to our people, they betray our nation,
They repress Buddhist monks,
They repress Christian leaders,
With faith in their hearts
The Vietnamese will chase
The devils of Ho.
O my lover, trust me
Our love will not die
Though the rulers of our country have lost their minds
To Maxism and Leninism
Be faithful
Love will help us.
If we want to change Viet Nam
We must love our country, our people,
Our love must never fade
Though the Communists are inhumane,
They have lost their hearts
They divide Viet Nam into casts
We Vietnamese,
Will lead them going out of hell.
With love
Viet Nam will be rebuilt.
CODA
Our Viet Nam is still there !
We still have our joy
Our Viet Nam is suffering,
We still have our faith.
O beloved Viet Nam
Beloved Vietnamese people.
THE TWO DREAMS OF VIETNAM (*)
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Last night I went in my nightmare
Back to Saigon, lonely and bare
To the tree where I used to meet
My lover so young and sweet.
Our tree was bare on this dark day
I saw my love with hair turned gray
I looked into her eyes to see
That she looked but could not see me.
In last night's dream, I swam once more
The river by my village shore
Where as a child I'd laugh and run
And watch my Mother in the sun.
But when I looked for my parents
I saw them working, their backs bent.
The gentle woman, the man so brave
All my people are now enslaved.
I woke up with a scream :
My God, what an awful dream !
I woke up filled with fear
O My God. I sobbed in tears
Don't let me go to sleep !
To dream with pain so deep
Let me dream of happy things
That peace and freedom bring.
Let me dream of Viet Nam in peace
The people from bondage released
Let me dream of returned beauty
In a land where all are free
I want a dream with no more tears
Where everyone is free from fears.
Where beauty takes the place of strife
And all people live a good life.
--------------------------
YOUR LETTER ARRIVES
(from a poem by Cao Tần)
Your poem is like a sick clown
His soul in tatters behind a laughing face
Heavy make-up cannot hide the bitterness
Tears streaming, while you sing happy words.
Your letter arrives, after all that love
It seems somebody has scattered your soul
You can't weep with words and letters
So why are you sending these nauseating slogans...
Send me a few strands of hair from old mother
That have fallen on the floor in the empty evening
She whose life was spent for her children
Give her a kiss for times past
Send me our child's old rag
Smelling of slavery
When I left he was babbling the first words
Now he falls I cannot help him up
Send me a stone from the pavement
I will read thousands of old streets
Send me a blade of grass from the homeland
I will read the earth and the sky of home
Send me a blank page
Soaking with rain dripping through the roof
I will read the vast emptiness
Of a soul longing for warmth
(You're No Longer Waiting For Me Back Home), LẤP BIỂN VÁ TRỜI (Filling The Sea, Mending The Sky)... songs that aimed to express an oceanic and cosmic sadness of that period. While living in our country, our feelings of nature usually extended only to the bamboo groves, the dykes, the purple sky, the canal... Now that we have left the bamboo- hedged villages, these feelings must extend wider, higher and deeper.
FAR AWAY, SHE'S NO LONGER WAITING FOR ME
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Far away, she's no longer in our garden
Waiting to welcome me home with a kiss
Now in hard work she must bend
I cry to the sea how my love I miss.
O ocean ! You separate my love from me
O ocean ! You separate me from my child
The ocean or the regime ?
Making life bitter, our garden defiled.
I remember her lovely hands
Holding our son, touching my hair.
Her tender lips, beautiful lips
Singing bright songs into the air.
Now far away, her soft hands are in mud
Across the sea her sweet lips sing no more (*)
My dreams have become nightmares
I cry day and night beside the sea shore
You're not in our garden, love of my heart
I'll always hate those who keep us apart.
(*) literally: ...her lips have to confess to a thousand alleged crimes
LẤP BIỂN VÁ TRỜI
FILL UP THE SEA, MEND THE SKY
(Midway City, CALIFORNIA-1978)
English verses by Mary Nguyen
Jesus said if we have faith
We can mend the sky,
Move the mountains and the forests,
Fill up the sea with earth.
My love ! Do you hear me ?
Do you hear my prayers ?
I pray someday I can shake Earth and Sky
So you can escape from your prison,
Flying in the sky or sailing the sea,
You will come to me
We are together again, for ever.
Our country is hell,
My exile is also hell
I cry for the fate of Indochina,
Cry for my starving husband,
Cry for myself, for my torn soul,
My dying soul.
The storm is not distant,
The storm is inside me.
In my heart, are the waves of an angry sea,
Waves coming from my rancor.
My heart is like an ocean of hatred,
And bitterness.
If it's too hard to mend the sky,
If my hands seem too weak to fill up the sea,
Let me survive with my hope.
Let me keep my love,
My love for you.
Jesus will mend my soul,
Giving me Faith so I can fill up the sea.
I am still alive,so I still hope,
I still love
I still wait for you
O my man at the other side of the horizon.
If I keep this Faith
We'll be reunited someday
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