Continuing With Love Songs

Love Song After A Ten Year Lull
For almost a decade, from 1948 to 1957, I did not write any song about my own loves, being engrossed in writing socially oriented songs, songs for the homeland, or love songs about other people whether in the countryside (VỢ CHỒNG QUÊ) or in the cities (PHỐ BUỒN), or putting to music other people's poems (Thế Lữ's, Lưu Trọng Lư's etc...). Furthermore, for ten years I did not have any new lover.

To tell the truth, during that busy period I fulfilled all my duties towards family, nation and society; even though I might have...cheated a few times, life treated me well... Nevertheless I was still a man in the prime of life, full of energy and vitality, with an ingrained sense of loneliness even though I might have shouted along with the poet Thanh Tâm Tuyền: I am not lonely anymore! I am not lonely anymore! I am not lonely anymore! Trying to fill this bottomless loneliness, I wrote: TÌM NHAU
SEARCHING
(Saigon-1956)
We search for each other
Among the blossoming flowers
We search in the wind
In the arid night, in the torrential rain
We search in the sun
And in the moonlight
Like birds in a dream searching for the dreamer
We search in ancient poems
And in paintings of woman
We search with a song on our lips
We search in times immemorial
Like the Past searching for Eternity
We meet in the breath of life
We meet and hold our breath in a new fragrance
We meet in All Embracing Love
We meet in prayers and peals of bells
. . . . . . . . .
We search among the bombs
We search in the storms
We search in cities built of bones and blood
We search in the pain
We search in the laments
Like a widow looking for a headstone
I search for your crimson lips
I search for clouds in your eyes
I search for your innocent hairstrands
We search in the past
And in the bright future
We search when humanity has been restored
We meet in the glory of life
We meet in all encompassing Faith
We meet in the suffering of the world
We meet, and two souls find their rest.

EMOTIONAL LOVE SONGS

First, a few words on various kinds of love songs in modern Vietnamese music. During the formative period of reformed music, love music was predominantly romantic, as typified by the songs of Thẩm Oánh, Dương Thiệu Tước, Ðặng Thế Phong, Lê Thương and Dzoãn Mẫn. Love was always glamorized by autumn, a cold breeze, a river, clouds, flowers, grass... Then as new music developed, it ceased to be romantic and became emotional or passionate, i.e. the lovers stopped caring about their surroundings. They tend to be by themselves, walking together on the path of love. Then love music would go through a cerebral stage, a sensual stage and a psychedelic stage. My love songs of 1958-68 belonged to the emotional stage...

1956. I looked for and found love. I did not run away from it even though I knew I could not keep it all my life. This ten year love affair started with:
THƯƠNG TÌNH CA
PITEOUS LOVE
(Saigon-1956)
In each other's arm we walk
On the empty road
In the light
Our souls drift into a gentle golden dream
In each other's arms we share love
Our feet walk a gentle rhythm
To avoid fracturing the moonlight
To keep our dream from dissolving
To keep space and time from colliding
Into infinity we walk
Where sacred birds of love
Sing an eternal lullaby
Into the nameless place we walk
Forgotten by the world
Without a port, without a boat, without a promise
Into the other world we walk
Taking refuge by the river of the dead
In each other's arm we walk far away
Into eternity.

After entering my ten year love affair with THƯƠNG TÌNH CA, I wrote NGÀY ÐÓ CHÚNG MÌNH (Those Days For Us), ÐỪNG XA NHAU (Let's Not Separate), CHO NHAU (Giving), etc., all revolving around ''each other''...

NGÀY ÐÓ CHÚNG MÌNH
THOSE DAYS AND US
(Saigon-1959)
That day softly you came into my world
Bringing the moon and the stars and a longing poetry
That day my dreams were lit up once more
And with silk threads and strands of hair I imprisoned you in my heart
That day together we sang on the endless road
Softly we recited a poem that touched our heart
That day our lips sealed our fate in bondage
And our arms weaved a circle of love
Those days we dreamed that for the rest of our life
Love will grow and grow to ever greater heights
Those days love overflowed into the oceans
O ocean! Please keep it a secret for us.

That day you left my world
Taking the dying moon from the dark sky
That day I searched for words
Searched in the ragged night for a lonely dream
That day we buried with a forlorn song
Our scattered poems
From those lips I so loved the smiles were torn away
And those arms are stunned and lost
That day in the clouds far away
I saw a wedding gown and turban
That day a cry went up calling for a soul
O ocean! It is no use to regret...

And then I implored ''Let's never leave each other'':
ÐỪNG XA NHAU
LET US NOT LEAVE EACH OTHER
(Saigon-1958)
Let's never leave each other!
Let's never forget
Never break this love
Let's not divide the joys and pains of love
Don't let go! Don't cut loose!
Don't leave this dream
Even though the night might be short
The world fades, people are jealous
But our hearts remain sweet
And our lips mouth words of deep affection
Don't worry, don't cry
Don't resent fate
Faithfully follow our river no matter how long
Even if one were to cross the marital bridge one day
And the golden moonlight was to find its grave
Let's not grow apart!
Let's not forget each other!
Let no mountain and abyss come between us
Let's not grow apart!
Let's not forget each other!
Let's not silence our voice
Don't walk too fast
Let my shadow follow your shadow into eternity

Then I put to music a poem centered on ''each other'', sent to me from Paris by an old female acquaintance, Hoài Trinh, to express this new love still full of fear:
KIẾP NÀO CÓ YÊU NHAU
WE WERE TO LOVE IN ANOTHER LIFE
from a poem by Hoài Trinh
(Saigon 1958)
Stop looking at me my love
The young flower has faded
The virgin fragrance has evaporated
Stop, stop looking at me
My eyes have closed, the smile has gone from my lips
He must have forgotten me
The autumn moon is broken
The bird has flown
If you see him, take my message
The young flower is forlorn in the night
If we were to love in another life
Look for me in the future
When the young flower has not opened
And young love does not yet know fear
If we were to be in love again
Please pick up all the sufferings
Where are you my love
Where are you my love
Stop looking at me my love
So far from each other we are now, all memories forgotten
What use is it to look at each other
Tears have flowed like a song drifting through life
Stop looking at me my love...

In the beginning of our love, I wrote songs in praise of my own love. I often took her to class in the afternoon or evenning as rain came down on the roads of Saigon. Rain, Ðặng Thế Phong's age-old sorrow, was also my eternal sadness, but it was also my Eden...
MƯA RƠI
FALLING RAIN
(Saigon-1960)
Since eons past it has fallen, into the land of dreams
Bringing eternal sadness
Since the years of youth it has fallen, with young love
And hair has turned white as one longs for the rain
From a distant source it came, falling on vast spaces
Its tears divided among the nine children
It flows into our life, building a gloomy house
Drawing a veil to feed a dream
It falls into my heart, it falls into our love
Who knows, it may fall just for us.
Falls the rain, falls the rain, never a respite
Never will fade my love!
. . . . . . .
Rain falls in the night street, rain follows you home
Joyfully it plays around your heels
It falls in the cold dark sky, intoxicating our heart
Making the fire of love more alluring
It falls on the pavement, like a fairy's hands
Singing a nameless lullaby
Light or heavy it never stops
Keeping love alive
Rain falling in our heart! Rain falling in our love!
Who knows, it may be falling just for us
Falls the rain, falls the rain, never a respite
Never will my love fade...

In his exquisite CUNG ÐÀN XƯA (The Music Of Old) Văn Cao had given his imaginary lover heels that make flowers blossom,dark eyes that make spring linger, the profile of a fragrant rose... Emulating Văn Cao, I described my lover of flesh and blood in a song: ÐƯỜNG EM ÐI
THE ROAD YOU WALK
(Saigon-1960)
The road you walk every night is covered
With blossoming flowers
The road you walk waits for your steps
To make beautiful dreams
At the sight of your graceful figure
A myriad stars fall into your hair
The fragrance of your slender body drifts in the air
Leaves tremble, the trees are full of desire
The road you walk crosses by-ways of bitterness
Where people stop and part
The road you walk is long and full of adversity
Of rain and sun and suffering
Keep walking if you must, I shall keep building my love
Waiting for your return
The road twists and turns
The road of happy love, of dreams...

Love's happiness made me feel like voyaging in a dream.
MỘNG DU
VOYAGE IN A DREAM
(Saigon-1959)
Every night she opens her heart
And embraces me in a world of dreams
Farewell to the world
On a breeze my soul floats
Following a distant cloud
I travel on a strand of silk
Trembling in a haze
My soul hangs in the autumn
I dissolve in the moonlight
I fall like a flower
Disperse like fading petals
Suddenly my soul dissolves
Into a blue butterfly's wingdust
I fly on the wings of a song
Into a hazy world
I swim in infinity on a stream of stars
Softly she weaves a poem
And lifts me up in a net of dream
With wonder I enter her heart
Crying and laughing like a lonely child
I follow the lingering dream
A fragrance takes me to eternity
She with the ivory hands
Calls to me with a lullaby.

But within the happiness of love songs there was already a glimpse of suffering. I knew that I could not keep this love and did not have the courage to pursue it, hence songs like the following

NẾU MỘT MAI EM SẼ QUA ÐỜI
IF YOU SHOULD LEAVE THIS WORLD ONE DAY
(Saigon-1958)
If one day you should leave this world
Covered in flowers
Going on a carriage to a place far away
If one day you should light a cracker
And sing with someone else
In your wedding among the joyful laughter
If one day you should step through the door
A new love in your gentle soul
If one night passion arises
And subsides in the soft conjugal bed
Don't forget what the tombstone says
If one day there is nobody waiting
On the other side of the road of life
Nobody! Nobody!
Tomorrow, what memory is left
Is but a remnant
If one day you cross the bridge
There will be hardly any love left
To try to forget
If we walk away from each other
Footprints though deep will not last long
And we shall not be beholden to each other

Covered in flowers, you will mount your carriage! But will it be a wedding coach or a hearse. All I know is that you will cross the bridge, you will leave me. And then what will be left? What will there be to wait for, to remember, to reproach each other for? to weep for? to call for? Even though we would not part for another eight years, CÒN GÌ NỮA ÐÂU (What Is There Left) was written at that time. From the musical point of view, the tune meanders forward in a zigzaging manner, reflecting the unhappy love theme...
CÒN GÌ NỮA ÐÂU
WHAT IS THERE LEFT
(Saigon-1960)
What is left between us? What is left to look for?
So high and deep the enduring sorrow
The bridge is blocked, love choked back
What is left to wait for
Through the cold night
Until our hair turns white
What is left?
What is left to remember
Where has gone that shadow so beloved
In the impoverished dream love has faded
What is left to quarrel about
No matter how hard we try to forget
And try to love again
The pain still remains
What is left
What is left to cry about
Should we follow the Ngâu
To the eternal spring, love will have been buried
What is left
What is left to tell about
Even if we carry this wound into another live
We will have lost each other.
What is left
What is left to call each other for...

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