Last Spring In Our Homeland

My musical journey started in the early 1940s with heroic-style songs of classical or surrealistic character, a few timid love songs in the prewar style, then continued with Resistance songs comprising youth songs, martial songs, folk songs which were characterized by realism and revolutionary romanticism, and a few love songs with a dreamy, travel-oriented but warm character. When the country was divided in 1954, I chose to live in the South and for 20 years my social persona was allowed to mature with songs of love for the homeland. I praised society in restored folk songs and reformed folk songs, I went from developed folk songs to song cycles, from isolated songs to episodic songs. I criticized society with songs of the heart, songs of an angry heart, kerbside songs, profane songs, songs of pity for the battlefield, I tended to the metaphysical in songs of the Tao. I was light-hearted in the children's songs, girls' songs, meditative in the songs for peace, etc. My sentimental persona found release only in a love that came very late, was full of problems and had no possible way out other than separation, a love affair that left a number of love songs for the couple and love songs for one, to tell of all the happiness and all the suffering of a man in love. Not long before April 30th 1975, as Tết was coming, a tape producer asked me to write a couple of songs about spring. Still living in the atmosphere of songs of joys, I wrote two songs for my beloved daughter Thái Hiền:
TRÊN ÐỒI XUÂN
ON THE SPRINGTIME HILL

(Saigon 1975)
One morning I woke up and saw that Winter was gone
Got up and opened the doors to welcome Spring
Sunshine shimmerred on the porch
Yellow butterflies were fluttering
Bird songs were rising on the branches
Combed my hair, put on a dress, slipped into my shoes
Opening the green door, I stepped out
Into the cool good smelling street
I walked up the green verdant hill
To welcome Spring to the land.
Softly stepping on the velvety grass
I walked in the breath of the land
A cool breeze wrapped its silky arms around me
A rosy sky held me in its embrace
Blue clouds floated in my eyes
The fragrance of wildflowers came into my soul
My hair streamed around my shoulder
Waves rose in my heart
A snail on the hill woke up from a dream
And came out of its shell to welcome spring
A clinging moss turned up
To welcome the pretty young girl
Under the bamboo arch a dragonfly fluttered
Spring spread a narcotic smell
That kept insects enraptured
And little children
In the love of the world.
CODA
On the springtime hill hesitantly
I sent a kiss to the new Spring!

It was only more than ten years later that I had time to reflect on this song. When I wrote it, little did I realize that it would mark the last spring I would spend in my country! Our land was so beautiful, it woke up the young Vietnamese girl, made her hurriedly comb her hair, put on a dress, slip on her shoes, and rush up the hill. She seemed to walk in the breath of her land, the breeze and the sky embraced her, the clouds colored her eyes with azure, wildflowers gave her heart fragrance, waves rise in her heart. Then a young man, like a moss, wants to come out with the snail to meet the girl. like the quiet insects, like the carefree dragonflies, they want to cling to life and don't want to leave. Yet at the end of that spring they would have to leave the homeland. I also wrote another song about spring in which I mentioned oil exploration in the sea which would bring us prosperity and give the people food and freedom.
MỪNG XUÂN
WELCOME SPRING

(Saigon 1975)
Welcome to spring with a happy tune on the flute
With life loving laughter.
Welcome to spring with an applause
That rings across the sky.
Salute to the soldier at the front
Who keep the country strong.
Best wishes to the ploughman in the field
For a rich crop this year.
Best wishes to the merchants in the city
For brisk business and big profits.
Best wishes for a prosperous and free people.
To welcome spring a song is echoing
In the schools and on the streets
A song that rings from the mountains
To the shores of the ocean.
Cheers for the five year old
Let a fairy comes to your bedside.
Cheers for the eighty five year old
May they live another decade at least
Welcome to spring with the sound of drills
In the mountains, in the streams
Welcome to spring with the sound of drills
In the ocean.
Cheers for pioneers
Opening up new lands.
Best wishes to the coal miners
Who with their hands push back the rocks.
Cheers to the drilling platforms
In the sea gushing with oil
Best wishes for a prosperous and free people.
Welcome to spring with a song
Echoing in the schools and on the streets
A song that rings from the mountains
To the shores of the ocean.
Cheers for the five year old
Let a fairy comes to your bedside.
Cheers for the eighty five year old
May they live another decade at least.
CODA
Best wishes to the newly married
May their love last forever
Best wishes to me, growing bigger
With new joys and sadnesses

Last Love Songs

Now I will talk about the last love songs of my life. Since 1968 I had written love songs for one, from those that are full of regrets like NGHÌN TRÙNG XA CÁCH (A Thousand Miles Between Us), TRẢ LẠI EM YÊU (I Give Back To You) to those in the 1970s that touch on death like MÙA THU CHẾT (Autumn Is Dead), GIẾT NGƯỜI TRONG MỘNG (Killing You In My Dream), CHIẾC BÓNG TRÊN ÐƯỜNG (Shadow On The Road). Now, in 1973-75, I wrote TÌNH HỜ (False Love), TA YÊU EM LẦM LỠ (I Made A Mistake Loving You), YÊU LÀ CHẾT Ở TRONG LÒNG (To Love Is To Die Inside), NỬA ÐOẠN TÌNH BUỒN (Half A Sad Love), NHỮNG CUỘC TÌNH TAN VỠ (Broken Loves) etc. All of them were full of bitterness and phantasm.
TÌNH HỜ
FALSE LOVE

(Saigon 1975)
I am deceiving you
Why don't you see it.
Words of love
Are of no use to me.
Don't make any vow
It's all a joke.
Love and passion
Are ready to fade.

Poor thing, dreaming of sand castles
On empty shores, when rain is coming.
Love is like a dark cloud
Remember, do not deceive anybody in love.
Don't talk about lies
Love is like water flowing.
When I come to you.
It's just to find momentary joy
And then I'll forget.
What use remembering
When you understand me.
Love is something that fades
Love is an eternal pain.

YÊU LÀ CHẾT Ở TRONG LÒNG
TO LOVE IS TO DIE INSIDE

(Saigon 1975)
How could I know that love is a song of suffering?
How could I know that love is a song of sadness?
When I first loved her
Love was as sweet as its promise
An innocent love where dreams were built.
They told me love will be full of pain
They told me we'll soon be parted.
I did not want to believe
But love is like a dying leaf
That breaks up after a shower.

My love! Do not expect too much
Loving is dying inside
Love is suffering.
My love! Love is a lament
A broken string
A fading dream.

How could I know love in Eden?
How could I know love was a source of pain?
Since I knew love
Love has burnt my little heart
And when it left it took away all my passion

They told me even if we prayed
They told me we'd still suffer.
Even if I forgot her
Even if love followed the wind
My heart would still carry the wound of long lost love.

TA YÊU EM LẦM LỠ
I MADE A MISTAKE LOVING YOU

(Saigon 1975)
Wild plant and wild grass
And stupid devil
I made a mistake loving you
Now which way will I go?
You loved a fierce demon
Who sowed seeds of pain
You were a yellowing grass blade
Who sowed seeds of sadness.
I gave you everything
Since my first kiss
Now love is broken
All I have left is pain.
I made a mistake loving you
Holding your hand foolishly.
You were a wild animal
Hurting my poor heart.
Dreams of riches veiled my sight
Gold and silver lulled my mind
In the tomb of pleasure
You were a floating butterfly
Now thorns cover all the paths
Which way shall I go?
One mistake I made
Now pain is everywhere
So much pain loving you
The last time and the first
A sharp thorn you are
Cutting into my flesh
I loved you and lost everything.
First love's kiss is broken
To love is to know sadness
How much of love is left?

Turning away and hiding your face
You are building a new life
Begging for happiness
Subjecting yourself to chance.
I love you my little love
With your golden dreams
You are a fading grass blade
I am a lost devil.

NỬA ÐOẠN TÌNH BUỒN
HALF A SAD LOVE

(Saigon-1975)
Give me half a love
To fill my empty soul, my broken soul
I love her but she doesn't love me
So it's all over.

I buy some flowers to bury my life
I make a white wreath and call your name
Tonight the moon and the stars are falling on the hill
Tonight rain is chilling my heart...
Give me half a love
To fill my empty soul, my broken soul
I love her but she doesn't love me
So it's all over.

A gloomy wind accompanies the orphaned steps
Coldly rings a bell in the cemetery
Bending my head over a deserted grave I stand
Silently asking if it's my grave or hers
No matter, it's just an abandoned grave
Love is dead and buried, the grass has faded
CODA
On my ten fingers
I count half my love...

NHỮNG CUỘC TÌNH TAN VỠ
BROKEN LOVES

(Saigon 1975)
The time will come
When love will be broken
We pull each other along
Like enthralled people
From all walks
We look for each other
Black butterflies
Forgetting the magic garden
Flowers going mad
I search for you like a river searching for the sea
You search for me like the sea going back up the river
Let go, and love is like a kite cut off
You look for me in the vast North sea
I look for you in the Eastern sea
Like looking for birds...
And don't be surprised
All loves get broken
We drag our wandering feet
Like a pack of stray cats
And don't feel let down
Like crabs making balls of sand
In the night when a cold wind blows
In the burning sun
We build a love ...
CODA
One day will come
When love will be broken
Only regrets remain
In the hearts of those who search
Search for each other...

Among the songs I wrote at that time, YÊU TINH TÌNH NỮ (SHE DEVIL) was a dark, ghostly love song:

YÊU TINH TÌNH NỮ
SHE DEVIL

(Saigon-1975)
She devil, you are looking for a lover
Your voice howls in the lonely evening
Your face is as white as chalk
Your eyes are as deep as a well
Reflecting mankind's ghostly emptiness.
Once you were a fairy
You came to the world to look for passion
Then you met your cherished dream
And your heart got broken
The fairy became a demon
Give me back my love!
My handsome, refined beloved
My love! My love!
Give me back my love
In my hand still the warmth and fragrance!
Give me back my love!
They used to tell me
About Loan and Dũng, the faithful lovers
Give me back my love!
He who used to sing to me those prewar songs
By Ðặng Thế Phong or Văn Cao
Give me back my love!
Give me back my love!

She devil, you are looking for love
O old love, o golden times!
O underworld devoid of passion.
Succubus, you live a demon's existence
Following man, clamoring for your virgin's love
Hatred has penetrated into your heart
Floating in a sea of blood
You are clamoring for words of love.
CODA
Give me back my love!
Give me back my love!
Give me back my love!
Give me back my love!

Before leaving my country, I wrote a gentle love song:
CHỈ CHỪNG ÐÓ THÔI
THAT IS ALL

(Saigon-1975)
A year is all it takes
To forget our vows.
Love's regrets
Will last just a year.
A year is all it take
For the fragrance to die
And flowers to fade in our hearts
Just a year...
You were a skinny shadow
Walking by the church
Like a stray cat
Waiting for a helping hand.
By chance I loved you
Like an early shower
Falling on dry grass
Breaking some petals.
Just one shower it took
To make you even thinner
And your lips to get wet.
A rainfrop id all it takes
To dispel all your doubts
Walking under the warm rain
Raindrops penetrated our hearts.
I loved you blindly
As innocent Adam
Loved frivolous Eve
In a chaste love.
But disaster was waiting
And the helpless couple
Must endure their punishment.

A sad afternoon
Curling on the bench
We look at our youth flow away.
Life is like the wind
Changing the clothes of our love
One lonely afternoon.
We thought nobody would love any more
But the traps of love
Will still catch many.
Our hearts are still dry
And still hungry
So we bend our heads
And confess to our sins
Sins of future lives

CODA

Millions are in love
Who woud not understand?
Seeping into love
Are a few drops of blessing
From Heaven high above
A light in the heart's prison...



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